From a file of numerically titled entries;

She’s a slob, a vagrant, a nameless wanderer, drifting in and out like so many chapters in a dream, occasionally a nightmare. She’s been aimless for so long, she’s forgotten if she ever had a purpose. Erratic and fickle, she’s a wayward soul, grasping for meaning, wishing she had one inkling where she was. Someone …

Advertisements

On Transparency;

Up until this point in my life I’ve done my utmost to present myself as an opaque being. I’ve never believed that I could be understood and therefore I never tried. I’m taking baby steps to say what I’m feeling, to voice my struggles and my inner life, fighting tooth and nail against the truth …

Be gentle with me;

Reading about introversion is so impressively soothing. Even though I know I have many talents and skills, I often forget how useful I can be, because it is shrouded in my ever growing exhaustion from constant, incessant, and dreadful overstimulation. A sweet soul told me today that she can’t think of anything I’m not good …

Strength;

What does bravery mean to you? And courage? To me, bravery is saying yes, when you probably should’ve said no. Bravery is living like you’re invincible. It’s seeing the risk and taking it anyways, because it makes you better. Bravery is looking fear in its quivering face and saying, “You don’t scare me.” Courage, though, …

These eyes;

The older I get the more I learn that I know nothing. Sure, I’m a know-it-all with a penchant for odd, and surprisingly useless facts, but still, I’m clueless as they come. I have so much time in my day and sometimes I know how to put every single second to good use, ultimately benefitting, …

Twenty-three;

Twenty-three. Twenty-three is where I find myself. Alone. Homeless. Wandering. Experimenting. Aimless. Arrogant & humbled. Reliant. Confused. Emotionally unaware. Hypersensitive. And on and on it goes. Twenty-three hit me like a rogue train, jumping the tracks and shoving me into uncertainty. I used to have motivation, direction, dreams. Now I’m just an unhoused vagabond. Bobbing …

The Boy;

Beginning      I found him charming, but I wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was his strawberry shaded stubble that glittered in golden hour, his boyishly handsome good looks, or his impressive stature… But no. It couldn’t have been any of those immaterial things because I had been drawn to him before I saw any …