And always being tired. I’ve been trying to watch less TV and read more books. It’s so much easier to watch movies, but the fact is, I’ve broken the internet with my television consumption and I’ve currently been reading a child’s book for over a week. I wish I could find nocturnal work so that I could get on a sleep schedule that works for me, because it’s simply impossible for me to be well rested AND awake with the rest of the world.
If I was capable of deep, frequent sleep, then I think I would be a genius. I think my memory would be a work of art, my vocabulary one for the books, and my wit as sharp and edgy as Potato Chip Rock. But instead, I find myself in a room wondering when I entered it and if I was the one who turned the light on, I can’t remember names to save my life, and I feel as if I’ve already forgotten half of my short life. I find myself lying awake cursing at that damn bastard the Sand Man, and wondering if any of the things I do remember are true or if their just weird dream like imaginations and exaggerations of situations I’ll never recall perfectly.
It makes me feel like a crazy person.
Meanwhile the craters (yes, craters, moon sized holes) under my eyes are ever growing, and deep as the ocean, and I’ve officially adopted “sleepy bed-headed vagrant” as my aesthetic. I don’t even bother with lipstick anymore as it tends to prefer my coffee mugs to my face, leaving only a vague raisin colored halo of what once was. I fall asleep inches before sunrise, calling it an early night, always believing the mantra ‘it’s five o’clock somewhere.’ I’ve heard the early bird gets the worm, but I’ve always been partial to bacon anyways. I can’t be sure, but my heart would definitely, without a doubt stop dead in it’s tracks if it didn’t have the proper blood-to-coffee ratio circulating through it’s ventricles.
The other cool thing about never properly resting my head, is my permanent subscription to Migraine Daily. It’s free, it’s consistent and it only comes with slight chance of liver failure, and hermitage. I grew up in California, I’m sick of seeing the sun anyways. But I digress; I’m almost late for my 2:15 snack time.