I’m alive.

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I’m a fairly stubborn lady, and I’m chock full of thrill-seeking gypsy blood. I think this is why I used to get into so many accidents. When I start craving a rush I can get a little irresponsible. This is what leads me to do things like driving on the 74, jumping in the ocean with all my clothes on, or skating in a dress. These things aren’t actually wrong, but in an incalculable mindset they are incredibly foolish and potentially very dangerous. Sometimes, I just really need someone to tell me to stop; except I won’t listen. I mean, I don’t know if you’ve ever heard me justify food… I don’t want to brag but I can give you a good reason to do just about anything. I usually don’t ask ‘why’; I always ask ‘why not?’. So long as I can find a reason why it would be an interesting or worthwhile experience, it’s on. Let’s do this. It’s far from rare when I am in these moods; it’s nearest to hardly ever when I allow myself to indulge the bad logic brewing.

I’m usually a very calm, well-thought-out kind of person. I can think quickly and on my feet, I don’t need help making decisions. I don’t rush into things too much, if I can help myself. I would call myself an irregularly passionate person; it’s not often that I find something I’m intrigued enough by to chase after it hell or high water but when I do, I don’t stop much to analyze it. I just jump in, hold my breath and pray to God that I’ll be with Him if I die.

I’m fully capable of taking care of myself, and causing mischief, but the equation gets all messed up when there’s someone else to worry about. Sometimes I scare myself with how careless I am in encouraging shenanigans, but other times I kick myself for saying no. I guess I’d just rather live remembering those crazy things we did, than die talking about that adventure we almost had.

This year I’ve had a lot of friends and family die, more than ever; it’s got me thinking about living.

I’m alive. I’m here today, in this moment. I have a past, I have a present, I have a future-for now. When I think of regret I don’t think of the things I’ve done, the mistakes I’ve made or the trouble I’ve caused; I think about the things I should have said, the places I could have gone, the people I could have met and then I think: I’m never going to miss an opportunity like this again. Life is full of opportunities, full of the unknown,  full of people, full of experience. These are the things that compose our lives. I love making people laugh, hearing what makes them unique, seeing this great big world we live in, and I love bringing unity into life. Sometimes I get really caught up in myself, it’s an introvert thing, but then I remember what’s outside-all of you- and I want to forget myself completely. You are all wonderful people with so much to live for, and each of you can bring just a little more love into this darkening world, a little more laughter into our shriveling smiles.

Try smiling at someone today. If you’re feeling really outgoing, ask them how their day is going. It makes a difference, I promise. And the next time someone asks you to do something, try saying yes- just go for it. Jump in.

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